Give and take
05 Oct 2011 6 Comments
in Open marriage Tags: appreciation, cheating, girlfirends, give and take, hubby, love, Marriage, Open marriage, spouse, wives
It’s always bugged me how marriages can fall into an open relationship or cheaters evolve. I use my own marriage in comparison and it is baffling at times. I don’t blame each person but I do feel that the participants are not trying. What I found is that I was totally wrong about the whole thing.
Talking with my closest girl friends, I love to share the latest thing my darling hubby has done for me. Such as surprising me with little gifts, cooking me a meal, or bringing home a bottle of wine when he knows my day was going a little rough. I receive the same reaction from them all, my husband doesn’t do that. And it floors me. How can they not?!
It is a two way street in a marriage, give and take. You give 80 percent of yourself and take 20. This goes for both in the marriage. I found this happens in our marriage and only occasionally does one of us feel unappreciated or unloved. But over all we both do this naturally. I don’t have to say buy me this for my birthday that often because he knows. He took the time to ask or remembered me mentioning I liked something. But what floors me most of all, the man knows me better than I do. Some gifts will be odd and I don’t like it. But with given time, I end up raving about it and telling him he knows exactly what I would like, even if I don’t! Amazing.
My girlfriend’s marriages are cold and it’s due to the smallest acts of love and appreciation to their spouse. Their husbands don’t even cook a simple meal for them. I am blown away by this. Not when she is feeling ill or needs a break, never! In twenty plus years these marriages were one sided. No spontaneous gifts, nothing. And that is why they are in the situations they are in now. I get it, finally. And I don’t blame them for Opening their marriages or cheating. There is a level of intimacy that was never there and so they seek it elsewhere.
I guess if anything, this posting is to encourage those who just read this to evaluate your relationship and not disregard it because you find that your situation is working. I am here to tell you that it is a constant work in progress. So give your loved one a day off with a small gesture on your part showing them how much you love and appreciate them.
I’m her Tinkerbell
08 Feb 2011 1 Comment
in Open marriage Tags: cheating, fidelity, insecure, Kat, married, relationship, Sheman, tinkerbell
Seems I have made an impact on Sheman. Enough so that she has taken to staying home for the next few days to rethink things and to get her life in order. Revealing this to Twin, I wondered if I was that influential or she wanted me that bad. Twin believes both are true and mentioned that I could very well be her Fairy Godmother. I balked at this, claiming that sounded like an old lady. So I became her Tinkerbell. Guiding her thru this crazy world of polyamory.
Today was an eye opening view of what their relationship has really become. She moved in with them to live in my town. During this time frame the fell in love. Within three months they purchased these rings and engraved their love for each other and made a pledge. A promise as Sheman keeps referring to. This promise was to be faithful to each other. Yet Kat has her husband — but he don’t count (say what?!?). Her hubby is not allowed to date and all seems to be ok with this. I find this outrageously wrong.
So here I am, really in dormancy until I waken and find I truly would like to start a relationship with this woman. Sheman is now caught. In her moment of passion she fucked up everything. I get out of her that she did in fact made this pledge and I cannot ignore it. As heartbreaking as it was, I stuck to my guns telling her that she is married with a pledge of fidelity and to me this is sacred. For her to mess around with me would be considered cheating and I would have no part of it.
Sounds so weird right? I should be ok with the cheating part, but I’m not. I’m not that person anymore and I won’t help others to become that way. I got my standards and I will stick to them. Sheman believes me when I told her if she could not fix what she screwed up then we were over.
I believe now she is in the midst of some heart to heart negotiations with Kat. Both are very insecure gals. This makes for an explosive relationship. Especially since Sheman cannot be truthful with her. But I seem to be the voice behind her, helping her make her point and to stick to her guns.
So now I sit back and wait to see what I stirred up.
Clean Slate
23 Jul 2010 4 Comments
in Open marriage Tags: cheating, clean slate, communication, husband, Open marriage, relationship, repressed, shock, trust
While conversing with another person in an Open Marriage, I had to explain the dynamics to her about my Open marriage. At the point when my husband Opened our marriage, I was in a state of shock and disbelief that this is where we as a couple were heading.
My heart was with him, and my confession was with full resignation of dealing with any and all repercussions I was going to weather for the rest of my days with this man. A typical relationship would have the screaming, crying and accusations of betrayal all on his part. I would grovel and beg for forgiveness and swear never to do it again. Life would then be kept on a short leash while I would slowly earn his trust again. But really, you never do.
That’s a typical relationship outcome, this happened with another girlfriend and spent the next 3 years in hell as her husband got over it. My out come was totally different and this girlfriend could not believe my luck. I fell in shit and still came out smelling like a rose and she was jealous.
But I digress, back to my Open marriage and this fellow OM friend. In my state of shock and disbelief came a period of time when I tested the waters to see if he would freak on me. He never did and constantly reassured me that this was ok. But he did say that I caused this and he will be able to venture out now. That was a huge pill for me to swallow but I choked it down uneasily. I knew I wanted to continue the relationship with my lover and keep my husband, so this was the only outcome for us.
After the shock of it all wore off and we began to get comfortable with this idea, I came to the realization that he gave me a clean slate to start over within our relationship. Never once has he thrown in my face that I was a cheating whore because that is not how he had looked at our marriage. In fact, this clean slate made us see each other with new eyes. He saw me as the slut I really am and did not want to confine that. I saw a truly unique man that intrigued me with his thought process and outlook on life.
We naturally started to Date again. Wanting to know what was truly in our hearts and minds without any censorship. Simple conversations became deep and meaningful over a period of time. I truly wanted to learn the real him and he wanted to learn the real me. It was and still is very stimulating.
The fear of bringing up a “touchy” subject was hard in the beginning. But now we can talk freely and in passing about something that in normal situations should be a “we need to talk” conversation. We make our points known without a huge discussion and life goes on.
We also never fought about entering this avenue. We have in the beginning argued about boundaries, but this was due to my insecurities. Over time I had gotten over those. Opening this marriage has caused us to really not fight. We have the lamest fights ever now, several verbal comments volleyed back and forth and within the hour we are apologizing and talking rationally again.
We entered a level that is amazingly open and free. This opened up my sexuality with my husband that I can now have multiple orgasms and crave the man. I can’t say that in the beginning of our relationship. I could not say that five years into our relationship as man and wife. We both played a part in our shared lives that had us censored and suppressed.
Now, my husband gets a kick out of the latest crazy adventure or kinks I want to try. I do not even have to ask him for permission, but I do out of respect and to keep him abreast of my activities. I keep nothing from him and he doesn’t with me.
Because I have opened up so freely with him, he has now become my counterpart that can finish my thought or understand where I am coming from. He is my center, my husband and first in my life.
A clean slate is just that, starting fresh and re-dating the person you have chosen to be your spouse. Sharing your thoughts, experiences and feelings with each other is a necessity to make this a happy union. Showing empathy and patience to your spouse as they go thru their own steps to accepting this avenue is also a necessity. But above all communication is extremely important and I really can’t stress that enough.
Because it took me 8 years of our lives together to understand this and to actually do it. Don’t be a fool and repress yourself, if your partner does not know the real you then you have cheated each other of a fabulous experience.
Open Marriage- Defined
19 Jul 2010 12 Comments
in Open marriage Tags: cheating, communication, fairy tale, house wife, househo, husband, Open marriage
Everyone in a relationship can not honestly tell me that they are able to say anything to their partner. I mean Openly speaking their wants, needs, desires, and dreams without feeling some apprehension that their partner will flip out on them, abuse them or even ridicule them.
So instead we become a different person. A person masked in what society deems correct. And what does society find correct. Well that you meet the perfect person, get married, buy a house, have 2.5 kids and live happily ever after.
Whatta crock of shit. Where in there does it state that to follow these steps do you forget who you are? That he becomes the bread-winner busting his ass to make that buck so he can feed his children. And were does it say that she becomes Molly Miss Homemaker that keeps a house spotless, raise the children and have dinner waiting for him as he walked thru the door.
This Stepford Wives is for the birds. Oh sure its every little girls dream to find her prince charming, but reality is very harsh. And now where does these fairy tale stories talk about feelings that occur after the reality sinks in that it’s not going to be happily ever after.
You have a wife, playing the role of a mother and house wife. That was me. I choose to be the ones to raise my babies and hubby agreed. That is where I wanted to be.
Then there is the husband, playing the role of a hard-working man who woke up at 5 am every day and came home at 5pm every night. Dead on his feet because he did not push a pencil. Oh no, my man was working in the construction type position that had him busting his ass all day long. So he just wanted to come home, sit down to his beer, eat his meal she made him, snuggle with the children a bit and fall asleep in his chair.
Day in and Day out, this was our life. There was no conversations, connections were strained, and we fought like cats and dogs. Because I needed some attention. Home all day with children and feeling undesirable, fat, ugly and trapped. Trapped in a way of thinking that this is my life now?! This can’t be.
One day I had a conversation with a relative, and we discussed my unhappiness to were our lives had become. I remember her pushing for me to talk to my husband and I had. Multiple times. But men think, Oh if I just give her some sex then this will make things right again. WRONG!! A temporary fix that really masked the issues. And at that time frame the sex wasn’t great. A faked orgasms happened frequently. So talking to this relative, I remember telling her that I would take care of myself. Some how some way, I would make it work and I would be happy again. Back then I had no clue what I meant, but now I do. See I always believed in being open to other possibilities other than what was presented to me.
So I cheated. For a long time I did this. I cheated for the pure fact that I was not a house wife that was going to shrivel up and die. I did not want to hurt my husband and felt horrid about it, yet I could not stop. Why? Because I was alive again. A felt hot, sexy and desirable again. But best of all, my relationship with my husband flourished. We stopped fighting and began to enjoy each other again.
Fast forward to where our marriage became Opened. I remember sitting on my husband’s lap and swearing to him that I would never lie to him again. And I haven’t. On my babies lives, to this day I have been totally honest with him. In fact I incorporated that with my entire life.
By Opening our Marriage, I began to talk more freely about .. well everything. NO subject was taboo and we felt free and able converse and connect on a deeper level. Personally, I grew to understand that we all make choices that best fit our lives. Some of us make destructive decisions, others choose to live in misery, some step out of the box and give in to temptations, while some give up totally on their situation.
In the beginning my needs were very basic human needs that were not being met and so I seeked it else where. Over time those needs changed and so did my concept on why I am in an Open Marriage. Yeah sure I can go out there and gang bang the local football team but I don’t want to. No in fact I am happily content with my husband’s ability to make me cum.
What we came to realise is that every relationship should be totally honest and true. Open marriage is just the label that really should be for everyone out there wanting to be themselves. In their raw true form and not be ridiculed for it by the one person they love. It’s all about communication, people. And that one word, scares the crap out of everyone.
So I am very proud of my Open Marriage because it has made me a better person. My husband is my lord and savory who I will honor till the day I die. He has my heart and my soul and I would never want anyone as much as I want him.
He set me free to be me. Househo, the house wife that has the freedom to experience anything I want out of life. Yes sir, I am one lucky gal!
Karma baby, Karma
17 May 2010 4 Comments
in Open marriage Tags: cheating, facebook, girlfriend, harrassing, karma, liar, married, Open marriage, scare tactics, teasing, threesome, wife, yahoo
This is a fantastic story as to why I won’t date married men. If a married man tells me that he is in an Open Marriage then I now would ask to meet the wife. By doing this I flush out the lying bullshitting men trying to cheat on their wives and get their dicks wet.
I mentioned this fella back months ago in this posting, were he wooed me for multiple months, jumping thru my hoops all the get laid.
After nearly three months of non communicative comments, he waltzes back thinking all is great and we should pick things up back where we left off. But I can’t. I feel like something is off with this man. I feel that he is lying but I am not sure about what. And it really just killed whatever feelings I had for him. Which totally sucked because we were both in an open marriage and it could have been a nice time.
Until I get an email from him thru his Facebook page, asking me how are you. I found that odd. Why is he not IMing me thru Yahoo, or texting me on my cell phone? Ok whatever. I went with it. I answered with a “did you see the picture I sent to your cell?” In reference to my last threesome and he answered he did not. Asking me to resend it to him but to a different number. So I obliged him, thinking what a nice little teasing gesture of what he will never touch again.
A few minutes later my cell phone rings and its him, turns out I was chatting with his wife on Facebook. I busted out laughing. He said that she was all bent about someone on his page. And wanted to know who I was. He apologized for getting me in the middle of it. I said I wasn’t. I have nothing to hide. I then asked if she knew about my girlfriend that he was messing around with too. His response was “well ya see, it never came up’. Right. You lying mother fucker. I tell him I gotta go cause I am beyond ok with talking with him any longer.
I am then bombarded with texts from his wife asking all sorts of questions about him and I. Before I answer them I ask her the main question that has been bugging me all along about him. “Are you in an Open Marriage?”
She says yes and then I proceed to answer her questions. This filters into the next day and I am still answering her questions. I tell her everything, the man had enough time to fess up to his wife but didn’t. So I sunk his ship for him.
She then calls me and starts spewing her own madness. They are not in an open marriage and never had been. He cheated on her over 10 yrs ago and now again with me and another woman. She wants a divorce. Pretty simple right. Oh no.. so wrong.
He starts harassing my girlfriend because she is married and NOT in an Open Marriage but doesn’t say two words to me. He has nothing on me to shut me up. So he uses scare tactics on my friend to shut her up. She was confused as to why he is doing this. My theory is you cheat once, you can be forgiven. Cheat multiple times you are done for.
I also know that other people have said they were in an Open marriage and that the wife is lying. There is other details that makes this all the more twisted and surreal. Who is lying and who is wacked?
I believe they are both lying and both are wacked. And their drama is not mine or my friends bag. But overall, when you are traveling in this lifestyle you run into familiar faces in your area. Sooner or later your lies and indiscretions will come to light and those closest to you will see the true you.
So in short, Karma baby, Karma. Kicks you in the ass every time.
Ending?? I think not!
05 May 2010 Leave a Comment
in Relations Tags: cheating, concerns, confusion, emotional, faithful, husband, infidility, sexting, sexual, teasing
Woke up feeling sad but determined. I was determined to not let Limo Guy walk away so easily. Not sure what I was going to do but dammit I won’t be tossed to the side like that without him giving it a shot.
Easiest thing to do is to walk away instead of trying. It’s why so many marriages end in divorce. I am no angel and I am unbelievably lucky to have an amazing husband that took my infidelity so differently then how everyone else would have reacted. But even if he didn’t react the way he did and flipped out on me. I know I would not have walked away from him and our life. I can’t say if I would be faithful but I would not leave him. I would make do with my situation anyway I have to.
I received a forward of a raunchy picture via a text. It was perfectly funny and raunchy enough to forward on to Limo Guy. So I did, feeling him out to see what he would say. The texts started out simple and funny. I pushed slighty to see if he would bolt or bite. He continued to text me and I found the texts becoming more a sexual teasing. It was cute and hot at the same time.
So now, I’m thinking he didn’t end it. He voiced is concerns and how he can’t handle the situation but he’s not walking away from it either. Baby steps is where this has to go. He has to work out the kinks on his own and we will see. So we are not off this ride yet! This ending? I think not!
hooking up issues?
30 Apr 2010 1 Comment
in Relations Tags: cheating, commitment, confusion, lies, Open marriage, open relationship, poly, poly love, poly relationships, sex, single women
Late last night I conversed with several men that was some what enlightening for the female species.
First let me get out-of-the-way an update on BJ, he sent me a response stating he did not know we had set a date. Umm, what? I wish I saved the IM of the actual date and dinner we were going to have. But lets just chalk it up to the lack of blood flow to his brain and once he relieved the swelling all thoughts of me and our date went out of his head. Whatever, I find it odd that he didn’t realise we had a date set and blows it off so nonchalantly.
Limo guy is still MIA and so is my urge to fuck anyone. So I am just chatting and brooding. Which comes to the subject of this posting of hooking up with the opposite sex.
While chatting with the first fella, he was the one that I previously posted about his issue with Single Women. He had felt that these women walk into his life and the relationship knowing full well that they are not number one and are okay with it. Yet he fails to realise that women that are single have this urge to have that number one man and build a life with them. This guy is not someone they can bring home to meet mom and dad. Theres no future with him. So sooner or later they realise they are wasting valuable baby making years and walk away. Both parties are in pain but it was necessary to do.
I informed him to get himself a gal that just broke up from a relationship or is divorcing. Be the rebound guy and don’t expect the lovey parts. But that’s what he truly wants. So there lies his dilemma. My advice was to find another Open relationship and see how you mesh with that girl. Did I set myself up? Who knows, he is of course outside of my golden rule of- No dating anyone outside 25 miles radius. But I am known to break my own rules.
Then there was another gentleman popping up on my IM that I long ago deleted, this guy hasn’t spoken to me in several years. He is in an Open Relationship and he too is having issues hooking up with women. Why is that? Well all I can say is that crap we women put up with while dealing with men, makes us leary of wanting to hook up with you guys.
For one, you don’t consider our boundaries or our needs. Then once you have our attention you drop the ball! Blowing us off for the longest time, then waltz back to us expecting to find us ecstatic you remembered us. That we should want to thank you with a blow job. Well on behalf of all of us loose women I would like to say, Fuck You! or better yet Go Fuck Yourself! You screwed up and we’ve moved on, end of story.
I totally sympathize with those men in Open Relationships and Marriages, finding a suitable woman to have a relationship with is very hard. What can I say but this where the woman’s rule and the men are left clamouring for our attention. Its fantastic for women’s ego and self-esteem but its a huge humbling kick in the nads for the men.
But it’s not all roses for us women either, men can’t handle part-time relationships. Christ look at Limo guy, I throw my pussy at him and expect nothing in return and he finds it difficult to accept. He stated before that if I was Cheating on my husband, he would have been ok with all of this. But why? Why should I be lying to my husband to get laid by someone else? Is it because I could some day be his? What kind of life is that? Starting out a relationship by cheating. There is no future there. Only mistrust and then that relationship is doomed to fail because it started out all wrong. I don’t get it at all. Someone please, enlighten me.
