Adult & Child ADD
15 Mar 2011 Leave a Comment
in Open marriage, Relations Tags: Adult ADD, Child, Child ADD, childhood issue, Distraction, family, focus, Home, hubby, Open marriage, organized, Parent, Schoolwork, Sheman
On the home front, my oldest child and I have a very similar issue that we can’t deny any longer. I did not see it until recently in the past month by failing miserably one of my courses. Then sitting in a parent/teacher conference and hearing how my child has untapped potential that they have no idea on how to reach it. Distraction is a prominent factor in both of our lives and we embraced it as who we are. This hit home with me so deeply that it brought back my school age dilemma of barely passing. School was my social outlet but I did not want to do the work. That part was bothersome to me and I like the interaction. My child feels the same way. Oh this we bond on in a very touching level as we relayed this information to our doctor who then informed us that we were in fact ADD.
Funny, I associate ADD with being hyperactive. We are both not hyper by any means but we are very entertaining in a social setting. It’s also interesting as I do some research that many of my flaws are due to my ADD. I’m terribly disorganized, late and forgetful. Here I assumed this is just who I am. But I truly don’t want to be.
After realizing the connection between my child and I, it was clear I needed to make a change. I am one for instant remedies but anti-pill that I decided to go herbal. I have us both taking herbal supplements to see where it will take us. I have noticed that I was able to focus and complete school work on time. Further more I became more intent on getting other much-needed organizing within my home.
Personally, I found that as a child my parents chalked up my bad grades as being lazy. And I found myself labeling my child the same way. GRRRR! Vicious parental cycle! Confessing to my baby about my struggles with school work has helped both of our situations. My thoughts on raising my children is not repeat my traumatizing childhood experiences but to learn from them and evolve. Both of my parents had miserable childhood’s and tried their best to raise us appropriately. But as a child of theirs, I have wounds that bleed as I encounter situations with my own children. So I battle these to become a better person and parent.
My main goal is to help my child become a better student and not miss out on life. During this process, I can help myself. While I find this all a personal issue, I do not believe it attributes to my Open Marriage. But it might with outside relationships. Oh who am I kidding. Of course it does. My ADD is all about concentrating and focusing. Once the shine of a relationship has dimmed, I start looking for a new outlet. I don’t want to work at the relationship. So there it’s self is my fault. Poor Sheman, I treat her like shit. I know why now. Riding her hard on her personal issues to see if I can make her snap and end it.
Same goes with all my past flings. I can easily walk away from anyone and not look back. It’s quite cold really. But I remember doing that way before Hubby. Somehow he was different. Did I just settle? I don’t think so. I found qualities in him I never saw in all the other men. Forever qualities. But when I decided it was time to ventured out, I did have that cold resolve to accept whatever consequences were to come. But once it did, I found a new resolve to better our situation and concentrate on it. It’s become second nature now to the point were I do not have to think on it.
Our journey within this Open Marriage is more of personal assessment, evolution and preservation. What’s more enlightening, it seems to be just me realizing these things. Hubby seems to be just perfect and doe not have any deep need to self diagnose. But then he always reads self-help books of enlightenment. Me on the other hand, needs a 2×4 upside the head to have my lightbulb moment.
Emotional Blockage
10 Dec 2010 Leave a Comment
in Open marriage Tags: connection, Emotion, family, Health, Home, husband, Mother, Open marriage, pain, Parent, Sheman, Sibling
Since I been on hiatus of men and really just interested in Sheman, emotional thoughts have surfaced from other aspects of my life. My childhood. Focusing mainly on my parents and how they treated me. Those who know me quickly realise that my relationship with my parents are very strained to say the least. Sadly, emotional pain is associated with my mother. It’s forever raw emotional pain when she is mentioned and my life is easier when I put my extended family out of my mind and think of my life with my husband and babies.
But as of late I came to realize that there is another avenue of pain that was never acknowledged. My siblings. As a family of six and me being the second born, it was very apparent that I was and still am the black sheep of the family. My siblings were very cruel to me with their verbal abuse that entered into adulthood. What is so fucked up about this is that my parents condoned it and encouraged it. It was the way my life ran.
Does this explain who I am? Maybe. A lot of my personal hangups stem from my childhood but there is something more deeply wrong with me that I never understood. I have a coldness that I instilled in my life because of my upbringing. I never told my mother I loved her until I moved out and was in a stressful situation that caused me to reach out to the only person I knew then as my rock. Before that.. I never heard her say I was pretty, until the day I was busted for shoplifting cosmetics. Only then she tells the officer that I did not need this cause I was pretty with out it. At the time I was shocked, but in reality Mom was having her moment of being the wronged one and giving her little speech to help herself cope with her delinquent daughter.
I digress on where I am going with this, I swore this blog was about our Open Marriage but I feel that giving up some of this information helps shape who we are and how we came to this point in our lives. My point is that I have emotionally blocked anyone from touching my heart or being part of my life except for my husband and children.
I figured this out the other day and it had made me cry knowing that this is due to my parents and siblings cruelty towards me. It made me realise why I run so hot and cold towards Sheman. I truly like her but I do my damnest to push her away and I can’t seem to stop it. She is quite the strong willed woman that she knows there is this connection between us and is literally jumping thru these hoops I set up for her. I give her lots of kudos for that. So much so I had apologized to her about being so mean to her and then explained that I liked her a lot and working thru some emotional blockage thats stopping me from embracing these feelings. That was about four days ago and I feel it’s going better between us.
I should probably see a shrink about all of this, but by doing that I would feel thats a weakness I can’t seem to deal with. I have gotten this far on my own and can work thru my own baggage without someone probing and stoking the embers of my painful past.
Hierarchy of Needs
25 Oct 2010 1 Comment
in Relations Tags: Abraham Maslow, family, Human, Maslow, Maslow's hierarchy of needs, Open marriage, open relationship, Personal development
During my studies, I keep stumbling across Maslow’s study of Hierarchy of Needs. We humans require certain levels of Needs that thru-out your lifetime you strive to acquire. Do everyone one do this? No, some later in their lives decide to get off their ass and aim for them. Those who rather not just exist. And that’s fine, the world should have a mixture of all those to make things work properly.
So Maslow came up with the five basic needs that we all fall in one category or another.
- Psychological Needs- We can’t live without these. They are basic needs of food, water, air and sleep. As long as we have these primal needs met then we can concentrate on the next step.
- Security/Safety Needs- Again something we all need. Such things like Shelter, health insurance, steady job, a safe environment. This section gets me. We all want security but this need is a constant thing we strive for. We tend to have false securities and rely heavily on other aspects. Like a spouse, bad marriage, a hated dead-end job, or extended family members controlling your life. These false securities fuel an unhappiness that hurts your entire existence. Yet there are those who choose to live this way. But that could be that they are not emotionally strong enough or confident enough in themselves to move beyond what they know as their “normal” life. My normal life is abnormal to those who can’t understand how we as a couple can be so open-minded and understanding that our security with one another is not going anywhere. We thrive on knowing our love and dedication to making our lives together work. It’s an evolution of how a marriage can work.
- Love/Belonging/Social Needs- This is revolving around those needs of love, friendship, family, community involvement and religious. I have found that there are people out there so desperate for that love that they ar accepting of any situation. No matter how voletile it is to themselves or their children. I also found there are some that are limited in their friendships and family. Some do not require loads of friends surrounding them or family to be involved in their lives other than a occassional call or holiday gathering. I find my immediate family is what I need. Friends are great but are at a distance and family can stay in the dark. I have a lovely group of close friends that know of my Open Marriage and that’s where I like it.
- Esteem Needs- This is a hard one for people to accomplish. Self Esteem, Personal worth, social recognition and accomplishments. So many people out there have such a low personal worth and self-esteem. Which hurts them in the first three Needs departments. It can ruin a life because they don’t believe in themselves.
- Self-actualization Needs- This is the highest need someone can acquire. A person who is aiming for personal growth, who is self-aware, who doesn’t care about the opinions of others and is striving to fulfill their full potential. I like this one, a lot! I find myself teetering here on a daily basis. One can easily stray from this and fall into any of the above needs which is fine. We are all human and make mistakes but we should always strive to get back to this point.
Hierarchy Of Needs
Why did I go thru these needs? Well it point out how we all think as individuals. We all have our primal needs that need to be met and it can be anyone of these things. They can also be consuming and messes up your life as a whole.
My primal needs is not so much as the sexual act anymore but to better my life . I changed. My life was centered around my crotch for many years. But now I found that my Needs are being met and I am satisfied in the route I am taking.
School work has taking a huge precedence to dating outside my marriage. Dating has come to a screeching halt to the point that I have shut down all dating sites. Sheman is still in the picture and its slowly evolving. I really am ok with how things are progressing. I just found my needs and wants changing.
If your needs and wants do not evolve than are you not living? Changes are imminent and you should be susceptible to them or you will be sorely disappointed.
But more then that, if you ever want to pursue this avenue of an Open Marriage or Open Relationship, your Needs must be in order. You have to be a strong and secure person to be able to handle all avenues. Its not for everyone because not everyone is strong enough to handle it.
Men is a no but Sheman is a .. go?
19 Oct 2010 1 Comment
in Relations Tags: family, issues, jealousy, Sheman
So its been a while since I posted. I know. I’ve been on hiatus. Really you want to hear how I have been getting laid left and right and doing crazy shit you wished you could do. Well I kinda lost my edge there and just not feeling it. Especially towards men.
Hubby says I tried to hard and I should just let thing happen. I have to agree with that. Things always felt so forced. It’s why I never felt the connections to these men. So I am swearing off me for a while. I still talk to some but I am not going outta my way to hook up with them. I have prioritized and they are the very last thought on my list if they even are on it.
Sheman on the other hand has been occupying my mind and time lately. She has entered the fast lane with her new girlfriend. See she is moving to my town. At first I freaked the fuck out about it. But then talking with her she seemed different. She wasn’t stalkish, pushy, aggressively trying to get me to jump thru her hoops.
I found myself wanting to be around her. She has been staying at this girl’s house that I know. She is a fellow Open Marriage gal that is also bisexual. We met about 2 yrs back and well I didn’t feel the click with her. She seemed odd and well neither one of us pursued it. No biggie.
Well it is now. I have issues with Sheman being all about this gal so much. They have known each other 2 weeks and she has hung out with her family and spends the night there. Makes me wig. She has no problem with how things are moving. I pointed out her track record of psycho girlfriends and she blindly ignores it. Makes me want to bolt.. yet I won’t. I don’t want to. I like her. Conversations with her has also made me feel.. some jealousy and anger. Whats up with that?!
I like her so much I introduced her to my family. Yeah, that’s right. She’s in. We talk more on the phone and have gotten along so well now that I can’t help it. I never went this route with any other person before. Yeah the family met a guy or two but its different this time.
So is this were its suppose to go? Giving up the men and playing just with Sheman? Ok. I think I can do that. She doesn’t scare me anymore so, that’s a step in the right direction. Right?
