Advice
06 Oct 2011 4 Comments
in Open marriage Tags: Intimate relationship, Marriage, Open marriage, open relationship, relationship, wife, yahoo
Occasionally, I am contacted by men about my Open Marriage. Not sure how to go about dealing with this new concept or wishing their own relationship was like mine. Once they ask me questions, I turn into the mentor mode and begins a new education for them. The following conversation is between a husband and I. Mind you I over looked his lies on his profile but did point on one major one regarding his wife.Â
Whether or not he is bsing me on all this is moot because I have no interest in him. His goal is to get his wife to agree to an Open Marriage, yet there are some flaws he had not realized.Â
HIM:
I was just wondering if I could ask your advice on how to get my wife to open up to an OPEN MARRIAGE.
I understand if you dont respond. I dont want to waste your time either. Ive just tried so many things, have been honest and open…. I would even allow her to try it out first, but she is not budging. Any ideas that may help me? I would love to get her to talk with another OPEN couple. Maybe that would help…. IDK.. any advice would be much appriciated.
Me:
what have you tried? Is she bisexual? (because this is what was listed on his profile)
HIM:
No, she is definitely not bisexual, although it would be so cool if she was ?
I have talked to her about it, tried coming to a mutual compromise. I have only had one on one discussions with her and expressed my interest in it. She thinks I am being very selfish, but I am willing to share her as well. With some conditions of course… I can’t have her getting pregnant or diseases. I’ve been fixed since I had my kids, so I don’t have to worry about getting some chick knocked up.
However, she is unwilling to even think about it. The answer is most certainly NO! She says there is no way she could have sex with a guy without falling in love with him, and can’t understand how I think I can have sex with some chick without falling for her. So this issue is a major obstacle with her.
I have yet to ask her to speak with another couple who is in a open marriage, however I know two couples who are. I have brought them up in our conversations, but she is skeptical that their marriages will last forever. I on the other hand would NEVER leave my wife if she allowed me to play with other ladies occasionally.
I don’t know what to do from here. I am not sure what else to say… but I could ruin my entire 11 year marriage because I want a fresh piece of ass.
The only other obstacle is that my wife is no longer in the best of shape. She has become a BBW. She is still very pretty, but her body leaves a lot to be desired. Which is also another big reason that I am looking to get some supplemental piece of booty.
Am I a greedy evil person for pursing this?Thanks for at least giving it some thought.
ME:
there are lots of guys out there that are into BBW. I am no spring chicken and still have the men kicking in my door. So that’s a load of shit.
You sound selfish to be honest. You do not find your wife desirable and she realizes it. So in this fact alone she will hold onto whatever strands your marriage is based on to keep you.
If you seriously want an open marriage then stop being like all the other cheating asshole husbands out there and come clean to your wife. Total honesty is the best thing. I know you are liar because you have in your profile that she would be willing to participate down the line with whomever you hook up with. That’s very misleading.
Your wife needs to feel that you are totally into her and that you would never leave her for another person. From what I gather she is not feeling it or has not realized this. It took me a year to finally get it that my husband was not looking to replace me and that he was very loyal to me.
Instead of pushing for your dick getting the attention, you need to work on her. You want this ultimate goal of an open marriage then work on getting her comfortable with the idea.
There are books out there that you can read with her that can help you. Do your research and get off the dating sites.
Yahoo has groups for those interested in Open marriages that can be very useful too.
I have no problem talking to her. Within our first conversation I can tell you whether or not she would entertain the idea of an OM.
HIM:
Your candor is appreciated. At least I know now that the problem is not her, it’s me. (I had this sneaking suspicion it was me) You have also given me some places to do more research though… thank you.
I have been honest with her… that I love her till death (and I really do, no joke), but I have also told her that I am not totally happy with her body any more. I know there are guys that are into BBW’s. I am actually not extremely picky, and it’s not like I have a problem or don’t enjoy getting intimate with her. She and I still have a lot of fun in between the sheets. I always try to make sure she is satisfied at least once before we are done. I’m not 100% with it, but pretty damn close. My problem is that I have possibly been too honest.
She knows that I peruse around on dating sites. She doesn’t know exactly what I say or what I do, she just knows that I won’t touch anyone till she either approves or until she divorces me. Honestly, I am surprised she hasn’t left me.What would you ask her or say to her that would make you able to tell if she is or isn’t ever going to be open to an OM?
I will let you know if she ever comes around to actually agreeing to talk to someone. If your still willing to talk to her by then. It could be awhile, I have asked her to do that before with no progress.
ME:
I cannot persuade her, so do not think that I can perform the miracle you want. You on the other hand are the one that holds the magic to help her.
For one, if you are unhappy about her body then change the family dynamic that includes exercising so that she does not feel so put on the spot.
Secondly, shut up about her weight. If there is anything about her weight that will hurt your relationship and make her self esteem go any lower is the man of her heart telling her she is not attractive because of her size. Shame on you for that one.
Thirdly, do your research and share it with her. An Open marriage is more than just having the ability to fuck another person. Opening the marriage is about being honest with each other and not worrying about your spouse’s reaction and repercussions. Being able to freely talk about anything and actually looking at your spouse with fresh eyes because they literally blossom in front of you showing you their true self.
Everyone lies to their spouse and hides little things that define them as a person. Opening a marriage is a joint venture that should be shared with each other and not centered around your dick getting wet.
So first things first.  Get your wife in a state of mind that she is happy and has the self confidence to go out there and get her freak on. I warn you, she will get more action than you will. It’s a gimme.
At this point you perusing the internet looking for a girl you are disrespecting her and the relationship, so you have to repair a lot of damage now. You have a lot to apologize for and you seriously need to come clean and woo your woman all over again. And this definitely takes time and you cannot rush it. You love your life then don’t fuck it up.
Good luck.
 ******************************************************************************************
Oh I am sure there will be more correspondences going back and forth but I am pretty much done with him. In all reality he should be sending me a quick thank you note and immediately deleting his profile. My dream of him and his wife would be him throwing himself into her lap bawling like a baby for all the wrong he’s done to her and begging for her forgiveness. Â
He should then turn into the doting husband he should be to help her become a more self assured woman who knows her man loves her. Â I see a long road her that slowly helps nurture a stable foundation before the marriage can be opened.Â
Or maybe I just helped him become a better person who really doesn’t need to have his marriage open after all.
One can just hope I made some kind of positive impact and saved a marriage.
Single-ish
27 Feb 2011 1 Comment
in Open marriage Tags: anime, communicate, hubby, ishin denshin, Japan, Japanese, Japanese people, Open marriage, open relationship, Pornography, Sexuality, single-ish, United States
As I was reading this article on the libido issues in Japan, I found it amusing about how much porn there is from Japan. Everything is riddled with whiny mewing girls hating to be penetrated and pawed by men. I truly hate watching Japanese porn due to the women. It’s the women’s voices that kills me. I love watching 3D animated porn. Especially the weird ones.. like the tentacles. But cringe when I hear the howling japanese voice. I tend to watch them on mute. LOL That’s been my latest thing.
But I digress off the point here, in Japan there is no communication and no touching. No showing of affections. Wow. I would freak in that world. I am so touchy feely that my Japanese husband would think I have a problem and commit me or make me see a shrink! LOL
It be interesting to know if there are any Japanese couples in open relationships that live in Japan. Customs there are so rigid that I could see how painful it would become if one was to want multiple partners. I’m going to have to look more into that.. hmmm…
At least I have my American Hubby that has an amazingly open mind on life and sex. Not sure how I got so frigging lucky but I do know I am extremely grateful for him. I got him this lovely t-shirt sometime ago that he wears quite often.
It’s a subtle way of him broadcasting our Open Marriage. Surprisingly enough he does not get questioned much about it. He has told some that have asked, but others he would say “don’t ask if you don’t want to know”. Normally they don’t ask.
I always admired the rituals of Japan, but never really noticed its coldness in the relations between a couple. Now mind you I am referring to the Hollywood view via movies that showed much love and pain. So this article was more of an eye opener about how “proper” relationships are in Japan. As the rely on ishin denshin to communicate their love for one another. How can one person communicate via their hearts is beyond me. Well.. that’s not true. I know that love for another can be shown by actions. I suppose this is their main ways of communicating their feelings. But still, it is heart warming and panty drenching to be told that they are loved and desired.
Dead Serious
09 Feb 2011 1 Comment
in Open marriage, Relations Tags: communication, fear, insecuriities, Kat, lies, Open marriage, open relationship, Sheman, stubborn
Sheman came over to hang with me. We chatted and I made her some of my homemade hummus that’s amazingly good. She is always begging me to cook for her and this is a small thing I do for her. While making it she tries moving in closer and getting romantic with me.
I stopped her cold with no way, not doing this and you know why. She tried for the next hour to get a kiss out of me and I refused every single time. Did I want to?  Oh yeah. But, she fucked up and has to know I am not budging.
As she left she looked at me in shock that I would not kiss her goodbye. I told her fix her mistake and things will progress the way we would like. She seems to be at a loss at how to. Kat pretty much told her that she doesn’t want to know anything. I said that is insane. I never understand how people want to be in an Open Relationship or Open Marriage but have no communication! The whole point in being in such a relationship is to be able to speak your mind and not have to worry about your partner freaking out.
My response about that is that would make her relationship so much harder to keep happy if there is no communication. Sheman is so concerned about Kat’s insecurities so she buckles and feeds into it. She also stated that I have not been open with my feelings until recently and I know she’s right. I’ve been standoffish and not feeling sure about things. After telling her that she has been the longest running “interest” since opening my marriage, she’s now sure I have feelings for her.
I am constantly amazed with all of the little things we have in common. It was eery in the beginning and I even accused her of being a copycat (juvenile, I know) but I am telling you it’s very very very odd. We even have the same phone and same color! Drink the same kind of coffee with a dash of cinnamon in it. I can go on and on here but I tell ya, it’s wild. Every time we are together we discover something new that we have in common. I now think it’s really cool.
So now me holding out has made her fight for what she wants. Both of us and no restrictions. She has to get rid of this promise and Kat as to be aware that I am indeed in the picture. Kat does not have to be happy about it. Just aware of me. Then I will be ok with it all.
Jezebel breaking down the world of Non-Monogamous Relationships
27 Oct 2010 Leave a Comment
in Open marriage, Relations Tags: Advice, casualsex, Monogamy, open relationship, Polyfidelity, Sex education, Sexology, Sexuality
A non-monogamous gay friend of mine in Triad marriage sent me this article from Jezebel.com that was a huge wow effect.
If you had ever wondered exactly were you fit in this mad world of relationships this is your key. Whats interesting about it is that it changes all the time. So you can be in one area for a duration then you could switch into another. Depending on where you are at in your relationships it could be good or bad.
I seem to be idling in the celibate zone but not really celibate. Sublimation – Channelling my sexual energy into life. I believe that is exactly what I am doing. Sure I am still having sex with Hubby but it’s not center of my existence any more. I still want sex, hell right now I do! And I got some earlier today. This could very well be a phase. Who knows. Half the time I don’t.
I also believe I am in the Casual Sex category. Other than Sheman, I haven’t had any long-term fixations with another person other than my Hubby. Obviously I am in the Open Relationship category but I am teetering between Casual Sex and Polyfidelity.
It’s nice to know where I fit in the mesh of things. I bet hubby would be in different sections. Should we both be in the same avenue? No, we both have our needs and that is ok.
Following both charts, where do you stand?
Related Articles
- A Very Cool Map Of The Non-Monogamous World [Big Love] (jezebel.com)
Hierarchy of Needs
25 Oct 2010 1 Comment
in Relations Tags: Abraham Maslow, family, Human, Maslow, Maslow's hierarchy of needs, Open marriage, open relationship, Personal development
During my studies, I keep stumbling across Maslow’s study of Hierarchy of Needs. We humans require certain levels of Needs that thru-out your lifetime you strive to acquire. Do everyone one do this? No, some later in their lives decide to get off their ass and aim for them. Those who rather not just exist. And that’s fine, the world should have a mixture of all those to make things work properly.
So Maslow came up with the five basic needs that we all fall in one category or another. Â
- Psychological Needs- We can’t live without these. They are basic needs of food, water, air and sleep. As long as we have these primal needs met then we can concentrate on the next step.
- Security/Safety Needs- Again something we all need. Such things like Shelter, health insurance, steady job, a safe environment. This section gets me. We all want security but this need is a constant thing we strive for. We tend to have false securities and rely heavily on other aspects. Like a spouse, bad marriage, a hated dead-end job, or extended family members controlling your life.  These false securities fuel an unhappiness that hurts your entire existence. Yet there are those who choose to live this way. But that could be that they are not emotionally strong enough or confident enough in themselves to move beyond what they know as their “normal” life. My normal life is abnormal to those who can’t understand how we as a couple can be so open-minded and understanding that our security with one another is not going anywhere. We thrive on knowing our love and dedication to making our lives together work. It’s an evolution of how a marriage can work.
- Love/Belonging/Social Needs- This is revolving around those needs of love, friendship, family, community involvement and religious. I have found that there are people out there so desperate for that love that they ar accepting of any situation. No matter how voletile it is to themselves or their children. I also found there are some that are limited in their friendships and family. Some do not require loads of friends surrounding them or family to be involved in their lives other than a occassional call or holiday gathering.  I find my immediate family is what I need. Friends are great but are at a distance and family can stay in the dark. I have a lovely group of close friends that know of my Open Marriage and that’s where I like it.Â
- Esteem Needs- This is a hard one for people to accomplish. Self Esteem, Personal worth, social recognition and accomplishments. So many people out there have such a low personal worth and self-esteem. Which hurts them in the first three Needs departments. It can ruin a life because they don’t believe in themselves.Â
- Self-actualization Needs- This is the highest need someone can acquire. A person who is aiming for personal growth, who is self-aware, who doesn’t care about the opinions of others and is striving to fulfill their full potential. I like this one, a lot! I find myself teetering here on a daily basis. One can easily stray from this and fall into any of the above needs which is fine. We are all human and make mistakes but we should always strive to get back to this point.Â
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Hierarchy Of Needs
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Why did I go thru these needs? Well it point out how we all think as individuals. We all have our primal needs that need to be met and it can be anyone of these things. They can also be consuming and messes up your life as a whole.
My primal needs is not so much as the sexual act anymore but to better my life . I changed. My life was centered around my crotch for many years. But now I found that my Needs are being met and I am satisfied in the route I am taking.Â
School work has taking a huge precedence to dating outside my marriage. Dating has come to a screeching halt to the point that I have shut down all dating sites. Sheman is still in the picture and its slowly evolving. I really am ok with how things are progressing. I just found my needs and wants changing.Â
If your needs and wants do not evolve than are you not living? Changes are imminent and you should be susceptible to them or you will be sorely disappointed.Â
But more then that, if you ever want to pursue this avenue of an Open Marriage or Open Relationship, your Needs must be in order. You have to be a strong and secure person to be able to handle all avenues. Its not for everyone because not everyone is strong enough to handle it.
Shits and Giggles
23 Aug 2010 Leave a Comment
in Relations Tags: dating, Fuck, Marriage, Online dating service, open relationship, Personals, Relationships
Lord.. I just have to do this so that those people out there can see whats available for women like me looking for a little fun outside the marriage.
I received this email to my profile on a dating site:
 hi. i like what u wrote to me and your profile. it would have to be one on one discrete as i am married but not into open relationship as this would ruin my marriage. i do love her and so forth but i would like to get with another for discrete times when possible. i will tell you like my profile says. i am very much into spanking erotic or bit more. specially my cute little ass or yours possibly over the knee. gets things worked up more i think. only twp problems r i cant drive medical wise at this time due to pmh with brain surgery. hard to explain but send me email at bareandover@XXXX.com plus distance might be problem. i am in upper XX. beau
I of course laughed my ass off and sent it several gf’s with a note attached stating, “Is this guy for real!?”  So many things wrong with this response. But overall it was DELETE and move on.
Checking out the next response.. He states I sparked his interest. Gives me his email addy and his phone number. (will ignore that part and check out this profile) OMFG! I am so tempted to post the man’s picture here. But I won’t. He has a roaming eye that would drive me nuts. But the worst part is that his Attention line is this “i am looking for that special someone that is out there but will settle for amything else”  err, yeah.. DELETE!
Next one looked like he responded from his nursing home.  DELETE! And several others that were automatic deletes, either due to their looks, location or lack of picture.Â
Anyways, this was to lighten up the mood for the week.
Sheman and the Poly group meeting
17 Jul 2010 Leave a Comment
in Open marriage, Relations Tags: cohabitate, coparenting, Open marriage, open relationship, poly living, poly meeting, polyamour, sex, Sheman
I met her thru a popular dating site after I added my dom pics from the Fetish Ball. It really attracted some women on there. An average looking lesbian that became chatty very quickly. I allowed the conversation to move from the site to personal emails only because she could not access the site via her phone. So we emailed. She bombarded me with several pictures and so I felt incline to send a few back.
From getting to know each other to talking about sex happened within 4 emails. I have to say that once it goes there its hard to step back from it. She was happy to stay in this avenue though. Me being over stimulated with all the crap ass sex talk from men, I did not find it stimulating. In fact it was close to annoying.
She then started asking to talk on the phone. And pushed with every email and picture she sent to call her. So I finally relented. We talked from midnight to 2 am. The conversation was really nice and enjoyed talking with her. Getting her off the phone was hard but I finally said my good nights and hung up.Â
She did not start the texting the next morning, I did. I shared a funny photo that I knew she would get a kick out of and that started the ball rolling. Of course it was smack dab centered on sex.  I ended up ignoring her multiple texts while I played house with my family and that just pushed her to call me and leave me a voice mail.   Again I ignored them all until hours later when I was ready to talk to her again.
She went right back to talking about sex. So I told her to stop, using the excuse of both of us unable to hook up at any time now due to vehicle issues. I encouraged her to try to get to know me as I would like to get to know her. She apologized and sent an email further apologizing. I told her not to apologize, that I get that I am a new toy and she is dying to play with it but at the moment there is nothing we can do about it so let’s get to know one another. That then set her back into sexland because I said “toy”. I literally told her “NEW RULE!! No sex talk unless I initiate it.” Seriously? I have to tell a grown woman this?
Since then Sheman ( I call her this because she carries the ignorant traits of so many men that I have talked to that just don’t get it) has been on her best behavior and is trying to get to know me. Shocking.
POLY Meeting or those in an Open Marriage/Relationship:
This was my first meeting in our location that had a nice turn out. There was a mix of people who were of all ages, young to old, sharing their experiences and connecting to one another.
It was refreshing to see older women there that freely talked of their multiple partners and I couldn’t help but wonder if I would be like them in my old age. Younger couples that cohabitated and coparented was not something that I felt comfortable with but they accepted so willingly. I like my own space and to race my children myself.  There was a woman speaking of a tribe that she was in. More of a triangle really but she liked referring to it as a tribe. Really nice gal, and her mother! Who was very endearing and articulate.Â
I didn’t find any of them to be distasteful. Its times like this that I truly like my city because of it encourages others to think outside the box society has enforced on us all.
Not feeling it
16 Jun 2010 Leave a Comment
in Relations Tags: dick control, fucking, laid, Open marriage, open relationship, pressure, relationship, sex, stress
Since my painful flare up in my back, I have been dealing with healing, ups and downs of my libido, our financial stress, and lastly the mountain of men competing for my attention. I have plenty of prospects but I am just not feeling it.
What is it? Well the urge to go out there and get naked and fuck. I have made several plans to hook up with my guy in a OR but we both waffled on each occasion. We both want to.. but well the stars are not in alignment. And well we are neither in a hurry to get busy. It’s nice to have a guy on the same page as me.
I just don’t want the pressure. Lemme explain. Lets take this fella from a large city that is two hours away. He persistently contacted me and tried to woo me. Wearing me down he proceeded to get my cell number and tried to make several dates, all the while insinuating we would meet and fuck. Well what if I really didn’t like the guy? But he had made this trek all the way to me fantasizing me sucking his cock. I don’t want that pressure.  I DON’T WANT IT! It’s an unneccessary stress on me that I truly cannot handle at this moment. This is why I don’t want to deal with anyone that is not local. So what do I do to this guy. I blow him off. I tell him I am under the weather, instead of being fucking honest and saying I can’t handle the pressure of you hoping I find you attractive enough to want to fuck you. Odds are I won’t. Because I made up my mind already that I didn’t want to do this in the first place.
And then I have BJ hounding me to meet him again. Now he is different. He makes me laugh and I enjoy the teasing banter of me telling him it’s not going to happen. He is an hour away and thinks nothing of hoping in the car to come meet me. Yet here again, he assumes he will get laid if we just meet. It’s not that I do not want to, because I see me actually meeting him and yeah messing around with him. I just don’t understand why the local ones around me are.. well wusing out on me. Several hot prospects and they all of a sudden disappear. I just don’t get it.Â
I did finally get to meet one of my local chatters in person. Squeezing him in in-between errands so that he did not get the impression that he was going to get more than a meet and greet. We talked and he was uneasy. I couldn’t read him very well but I could tell he was nervous and unsure of me. I figured if I asked him if he wanted to kiss me, would that loosen him up. He then asked if we did would it lead to more. *sigh* I turned it back on him saying “what you have no dick control?” Which then made him state he does in fact have it for a 40-year-old man. I laughed at him and said age has nothing to do with dick control. We talked more of his personal life which helps me realize where he is coming from. Recent break up with a girlfriend and I am to be his distraction.  Asking him what he thought of me he said “I was just thinking how wild this was meeting this crazy broad”. I questioned the broad part since i really don’t remember ever being called one. He said he is from Long Island and all women are broads. Uh, huh. And this is why you are single buddy. So shortly after that, I ended the meeting and leaned in for a kiss and hug. He barely touched my lips with his, which is a pity. He has full kissable lips that I love and his hug was practically nonexistent.  What would you make of that? Me, I would take that as a NOT INTERESTED on his part.  And really.. if his response was like that, I can just imagine how horrid it is in bed.    This is all a pity since his look is haunting like a vampire almost. Which I find hot. Â
So what now?  I still talk to Limo guy, but any talk of hooking up or even a dinner date and he waffles.  Everytime I think I want to end it he becomes all chatty and then flops. He’s a loner, I get it. but I am not feeling it with him either.
I am happy in my relationship with my husband and being in an Open Marriage to me gives me the right to have relationships outside my marriage. But all I am finding is unworthy men that are slowly killing my fun.
I’m at the point where they are not cutting it for me. I don’t want to hunt anymore and I don’t want mediocre sex. I’m just not feeling it.
Ouch
07 Jun 2010 1 Comment
in Relations Tags: bdsm, open relationship, pain
Over a week ago I set up a lunch date with this fella who stated he was in a OR (open relationship). With him saying that, I told him if we were going to meet then I would have to meet his woman. He was ok with it. Ok fine. We set up to do lunch at a Chinese buffet that has an excellent sushi bar. In an after thought I invited my hubby along so it became a couple’s meet.
We get there and they are seated. He is a tall nice good-looking black man with long hair hidden away in a knitted hat. I liked his face immediately. His woman was a pretty pierced and tattooed white girl who was a bit shy at first. It was a nice lunch, my hubby is quite disarming and can talk a person out of their shell without much effort. It seemed that they (the fellas) hit it off famously. I found it amusing, seeing that we were all there to check out a possible lover or two in the future.
After the lunch we said our goodbyes and talked of hooking up soon, then went our separate ways. I was interested in this man because of the sex talk we did have, he mentioned that he has a constant need for it. That was a nice change of pace for me. Some one that I would have to “tap out” on instead of them telling me I am too much woman for them.Â
Yet our time to hook up has yet to come. I had suffered a flare up in back that had me bed ridden in pain for days. Pain killers and muscle relaxers barely touched it. So for a week I was a suffering fool. I freaked out because this pain was something I thought I would never have to feel again. A year-long painful journey that ended in back surgery. People didn’t understand my pain but when the asked how bad can it be. My response would be that I would rather give birth every day then to deal with that pain again. Why? Because I know there is a light at the end of that tunnel when the baby is in my arms and the pain is no longer there. My pain with my back was there every four to six hours. Waking me in the middle of the night and causing me to be a doped up zombie that my kids barely knew.
I came to realize with this last round of pain why I would never be interested in BDSM. Pain is not pleasurable by any means and I would probably freak out if someone was to get really rough with me. In fact I remember a guy doing that and I stopped him cold. Ditched his ass and never looked back. Now that doesn’t mean I don’t like to be man handled a bit. In fact I do! A soft touch is not something gets me off. So yeah, I like a happy medium of rough and tumble.
So since my painful week, I haven’t been wanting to hook up with anyone. This fella wants to hook up but I am not feeling it. And Limo guy is pmsing or something. God that man is worse than a woman. I have some unfinished business with him and then he is history. And I am also realizing my pain is very stress related. Something has to give soon. Oh and the topper is that the pain stops me from being able to cum. How fucked up is that!   I am hoping that this is soon to be rectified and I won’t have the crippling pain again.
hooking up issues?
30 Apr 2010 1 Comment
in Relations Tags: cheating, commitment, confusion, lies, Open marriage, open relationship, poly, poly love, poly relationships, sex, single women
Late last night I conversed with several men that was some what enlightening for the female species.Â
First let me get out-of-the-way an update on BJ, he sent me a response stating he did not know we had set a date. Umm, what? I wish I saved the IM of the actual date and dinner we were going to have. But lets just chalk it up to the lack of blood flow to his brain and once he relieved the swelling all thoughts of me and our date went out of his head. Whatever, I find it odd that he didn’t realise we had a date set and blows it off so nonchalantly.
Limo guy is still MIA and so is my urge to fuck anyone. So I am just chatting and brooding. Which comes to the subject of this posting of hooking up with the opposite sex.
While chatting with the first fella, he was the one that I previously posted about his issue with Single Women. He had felt that these women walk into his life and the relationship knowing full well that they are not number one and are okay with it. Yet he fails to realise that women that are single have this urge to have that number one man and build a life with them. This guy is not someone they can bring home to meet mom and dad. Theres no future with him. So sooner or later they realise they are wasting valuable baby making years and walk away. Both parties are in pain but it was necessary to do.Â
I informed him to get himself a gal that just broke up from a relationship or is divorcing.  Be the rebound guy and don’t expect the lovey parts. But that’s what he truly wants. So there lies his dilemma. My advice was to find another Open relationship and see how you mesh with that girl. Did I set myself up? Who knows, he is of course outside of my golden rule of- No dating anyone outside 25 miles radius. But I am known to break my own rules.
Then there was another gentleman popping up on my IM that I long ago deleted, this guy hasn’t spoken to me in several years. He is in an Open Relationship and he too is having issues hooking up with women. Why is that? Well all I can say is that crap we women put up with while dealing with men, makes us leary of wanting to hook up with you guys.
For one, you don’t consider our boundaries or our needs. Then once you have our attention you drop the ball! Blowing us off for the longest time, then waltz back to us expecting to find us ecstatic you remembered us.  That we should want to thank you with a blow job. Well on behalf of all of us loose women I would like to say, Fuck You! or better yet Go Fuck Yourself! You screwed up and we’ve moved on, end of story.
I totally sympathize with those men in Open Relationships and Marriages, finding a suitable woman to have a relationship with is very hard. What can I say but this where the woman’s rule and the men are left clamouring for our attention. Its fantastic for women’s ego and self-esteem but its a huge humbling kick in the nads for the men.Â
But it’s not all roses for us women either, men can’t handle part-time relationships. Christ look at Limo guy, I throw my pussy at him and expect nothing in return and he finds it difficult to accept. He stated before that if I was Cheating on my husband, he would have been ok with all of this. But why? Why should I be lying to my husband to get laid by someone else?  Is it because I could some day be his? What kind of life is that? Starting out a relationship by cheating. There is no future there. Only mistrust and then that relationship is doomed to fail because it started out all wrong. I don’t get it at all. Someone please, enlighten me.
