What is Celibacy?
15 Mar 2011 1 Comment
in Relations Tags: Celibacy, Husbands and Wives, Marriage, Relationships, Sexuality
Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.
While attending a Marriage Weekend, Frank and his wife Nancy listened to the instructor declare, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.”
He then addressed the men. “Can you name and describe your wife’s favorite flower?”
Frank leaned over, touched Nancy’s arm gently, and whispered, “Gold Medal-All-Purpose, isn’t it?”
And thus began Frank’s life of celibacy…
Understanding the weirdness
13 Mar 2011 Leave a Comment
in Relations Tags: Body fluid, boundries, girlfriend, hubby, obligation, relationship, sex, Sexuality, Sheman, Weirdness
I think I’ve pinpointed the weirdness I have after an encounter. It’s due to the expectations from the other half that I do not want to contemplate. Fucking around changes the whole dynamic of a relationship. Once bodily fluids have been exchanged it can and has caused a change within the relationship.
Take Sheman and I. I played cat and mouse with her for months on end, toying with the idea of having sex with her. I burned thru multiple reasons about why I did not want to have sex with her until I was done going that route. So, I did it.
Weirdness followed and I have yet to even entertained the idea of hooking back up with her. Oh but she has tried her best to get me back in her bed, I have held fast. While her oral skills were quite impressive the rest was just, eh, so-so. Nothing I cared to repeat be honest. Oh I know I should give her another go and perhaps I will. But it’s not high on my list.
In that aspect, I consider her my Girlfriend and use her to get unwanted men advances to go away. It doesn’t help though. Seems they are more interested in knowing more or getting involved. LOL So I do consider her someone who I do care about but I find that she is all-consuming. She wants more now from me the ever and that puts me in freak out mode.
I find that my world is perfect as is. I have my primary who I adore and respect. I have my babies who come first above all else. This all it’s self is easily all-consuming. So to add in Sheman in this equation creates a chaos I do not want. Instead I found myself policing her on so many things that it became frustrating. I just want an occassional fun time that I feel no obligations to be crazily absorbed by another.
Sheman has tried numerous times to push me to spend more time with her and instead found me screaming in the other direction. Text messages coming in asking me “what are your plans today” would set my nerves on edge. I do not want to be obligated to telling her my every move. She does not need to know of my babies birthdays or that if I am her vicinity I have to see her. No. No I don’t. I have one person that I feel obligated to and that is my husband. The only obligation I feel I need to portray to her is if I am or have been sexually active with someone else.
So this is what brings on the weirdness, that they are unable to understand my boundaries. I automatically know they will want more than what I am willing to offer so I end up going cold on them. There are not that many out there with the same mind set as Hubby and I. Oh, I’m sure I give off mixed signals too but ultimately, I do what I want to do and not what they want me to do.
Does any of this make sense? It does to hubby and me.
Single-ish
27 Feb 2011 1 Comment
in Open marriage Tags: anime, communicate, hubby, ishin denshin, Japan, Japanese, Japanese people, Open marriage, open relationship, Pornography, Sexuality, single-ish, United States
As I was reading this article on the libido issues in Japan, I found it amusing abouthow much porn there isfrom Japan. Everything is riddledwith whiny mewing girls hating to bepenetrated and pawed by men. I truly hate watching Japanese porn due to the women. It’s the women’s voices that kills me. I love watching 3D animated porn. Especially the weird ones.. like the tentacles.But cringe when I hear the howling japanese voice. I tend to watch them on mute. LOL That’s been my latest thing.
But I digress off the point here, in Japan there is no communication and no touching. Noshowing of affections. Wow. I would freak in that world. I am so touchy feely that my Japanese husband would think I have a problem and commit me or make me see a shrink! LOL
It be interesting to know if there are any Japanese couples in open relationships that live in Japan. Customs there are so rigid that I could see how painful it would become if one was to want multiplepartners. I’m going to have to look more into that.. hmmm…
At least I have my American Hubby that has an amazingly open mind on life and sex. Not sure how I got so frigging lucky but I do know I am extremely grateful for him. I got him this lovely t-shirt sometime ago that he wears quite often.
It’s a subtle way of him broadcasting our Open Marriage. Surprisingly enough he does not get questioned much about it. He has told some that have asked, but others he would say “don’t ask if you don’t want to know”. Normally they don’t ask.
I always admired the rituals of Japan, but never really noticed its coldness in the relations between a couple. Now mind you I am referring to the Hollywood view via movies that showed much love and pain. So this article was more of an eye opener abouthow “proper” relationships are in Japan. As the rely on ishindenshinto communicate their love for one another. How can one person communicate via their hearts is beyond me. Well.. that’s not true. I know that love for another can beshown by actions. I suppose this is their main ways of communicating their feelings. But still, it is heart warming and panty drenching to betold that they are loved and desired.
Orgasmic Thoughts
06 Nov 2010 Leave a Comment
in Open marriage, Relations Tags: foreplay, orgasm, orgasm achieving thoughts, Sex toy, Sexual arousal, Sexual intercourse, sexual thoughts, Sexuality, Thought
I sent hubby out on night out with a few girls. He is having some well over due ”me” time which I am very ok with. Its funny, I thought about this earlier and rehashed that he is in fact going out with a coworker and an old fling. Two years ago I would be a fretting mess over this event taking place, yet today I am barely thinking about it.
Now grant it, two years ago I was a pregnant irrational basket case so I am thrilled to find myself totally ok with the conducts of my husband. In fact I tend to instigate them and push him out the door. I want him out there sowing his oats and being a total whore. Its intoxicating when he does this.
Which brings me to why I need to have my strange on. I truly love having sex with my hubby. We tend to do the same old positions that is apparently fine. Comfy orgasms are better than none, right?
Well, lately.. I seem to have had a switch in whats “doin it” for me. The high that I used to achieve from the orgasms hubby pull outta me kind of went away. I still enjoy the sex but there is something missing. I have been hornier than hell but it’s not the same.
Take this morning; hubby initiates the foreplay while I am in deep sleep. In my dream state it turns erotic and I become fully aroused. Reality and dream worlds are colliding and its hard to decipher what was what, there was just an intense need to cum. Yet I couldn’t get there.
In my mind, arousal is always things that turn you on. It can be so vanilla or so out there bizarre but it doesn’t matter because it fuels the arousal to the point of orgasming. I have had multiple different scenarios fly thru my head. My recent flings tend to fuel the arousal to the point of I can use them multiple times. There are certain kinds of porn that can spur me on. Verbage is also another means I use to get me there.
Yet lately all my goto’s have dissipated and I am stuck with nothing. I scramble thru my brain and I find it kills the high for me so when I do cum its, kinda lame. Yeah I got mine but it’s not my hard-core ones. I find that disturbing. Is it wrong for me to achieve my orgasms this way? I think not. We all have our happy spots that get us off. I do use these moments with my husband though. Could that be wrong? Hmm, maybe. But I can’t help it. He does get me hot and at times its him I fantasies about but not always.
Image via Wikipedia
I don’t expect him to be thinking about me while we are fucking. I would be shocked actually and most likely call him a liar for it. The man has a mind that runs in multiple directions at once. So something totally odd would be his “big O”.
My thought this morning that helped me cum was thinking about Sheman. Soon as my mind wrapped around her name I was orgasmic. So… whats that mean?!
I am starting to feel the need to see someone.. but I refuse to go thru the internet. The lies and bullshit stops now and I will physically hunt for my next lover. Will I see Sheman, yeah I think so. She is waiting to move into her new home. So once she is settled, I will pay her a visit. And I have also been flirting up a storm at my job. Since I am exposed to the public and meet new faces every day. Odds are I will meet one that will be forward enough to make the move. And I have.. he has given me his card to contact him. But I have digressed in initiating anything. In all due time, I suppose.
So, even though I have been such a boring whiner lately. I feel this phase is passing and I am heading in a new direction.
Jezebel breaking down the world of Non-Monogamous Relationships
27 Oct 2010 Leave a Comment
in Open marriage, Relations Tags: Advice, casualsex, Monogamy, open relationship, Polyfidelity, Sex education, Sexology, Sexuality
A non-monogamous gay friend of mine in Triad marriage sent me this article from Jezebel.com that was a huge wow effect.
If you had ever wondered exactly were you fit in this mad world of relationships this is your key. Whats interesting about it is that it changes all the time. So you can be in one area for a duration then you could switch into another. Depending on where you are at in your relationships it could be good or bad.
I seem to be idling in the celibate zone but not really celibate. Sublimation – Channelling my sexual energy into life. I believe that is exactly what I am doing. Sure I am still having sex with Hubby but it’s not center of my existence any more. I still want sex, hell right now I do! And I got some earlier today. This could very well be a phase. Who knows. Half the time I don’t.
I also believe I am in the Casual Sex category. Other than Sheman, I haven’t had any long-term fixations with another person other than my Hubby. Obviously I am in the Open Relationship category but I am teetering between Casual Sex and Polyfidelity.
It’s nice to know where I fit in the mesh of things. I bet hubby would be in different sections. Should we both be in the same avenue? No, we both have our needs and that is ok.
Following both charts, where do you stand?
Related Articles
- A Very Cool Map Of The Non-Monogamous World [Big Love] (jezebel.com)
Hangin with the Girls
22 Oct 2010 3 Comments
in Relations Tags: Human sexuality, Marriage, Open marriage, Relationships, Sexuality
Last night was a girl’s night that was soo needed. SassySlut and my Twin joined me at a darling little eatery for dinner and laughs. Boy did we laugh, and laugh and laugh. SassySlut has the funniest stories about her life and sexual experiences. Me being the goof ball, can’t help myself but to play off that which in turn has us cracking up in laughter.
It’s amazing how strong of a person SassySlut truly is as she deals with her life with such humor. That’s one of the things that I truly love about her. Whats more amazing about her is her honesty. She is married but not in an Open Marriage and is enjoying life despite her husband’s issues. It’s not as if she would deny anything and takes full account of all her actions. How can you not respect that?
I may be a hypocrite about this but women who cheat on their husbands tend to have a really good reason behind it. Open-mindedness, lack of affection from home or even a higher sex drive, all of which leads to cheating. Mainly my girlfriends that do cheat on their spouses, claim the having a higher sex drive and enjoy the thrill of a new partner. I totally get that.
Men on the other hand, seem to just do it.. to do it. There doesn’t seem to be any reasoning behind it other than the fact that they don’t want to work on their current relationship, so they give up on it and seek out a new thrill. I’m not saying all men do this but there are plenty out there that do this.
Am I saying that women who cheat on their men are also giving up on their current relationship? No, quite opposite! I believe it helps it. No more nagging, fighting and compassion comes back into the mix. They are getting a very basic need met so that they can concentrate on the deeper needs of a connection with their partner.
It’s interesting that SassySlut and my Twin, have a lost connection with their spouses. But are still there with them because their primal needs are being met outside the marriage bed. They both have their reasons and they are definitely sound. Should a marriage end due to the fact that they are not sexually satisfied with their spouses? I think not. We all make do with the lot we were handed and whether or not its dysfunctional to you or me, doesn’t matter cause its their life. Mine may be just as dysfunctional but it works for us.
So the connection in our little group is really our need to be out of the norm. Our dysfunction is our Norm. We openly discuss sexual encounters, what we like and don’t like and the craziest shit that happens during these moments. It’s almost a therapy session that is wickedly fun.
Twin mentioned to me today that we tend to pick G-rated locations to have our X-rated conversations. Yeah we do! And boy do we get some looks. We tend to laugh loudly so that’s the draw. Anyone venturing close can catch some tasty tidbits of our conversation that would make the prudes blush in outrage. Its our time to be our true selves without censorship. And it rejuvenated and distresses us in so many ways. I guess you could say its our little slut support group.
A year of Changes
22 Sep 2010 2 Comments
in Relations Tags: Advice, dating, Humor, Intimate relationship, orgasm, Recreation, Relationships, sex, Sexology, Sexual intercourse, Sexuality
I realized that its been a full year of my twin and I becoming friends. During this time frame we became quite chatting and learned all about each other. We both are in an Open Marriage with husbands that just don’t think like the majority.
Over time it came more apparent that her situation was very different from mine. She has an intimacy deficiency in her relationship while mine does not lack in that department. Her man has lots of issues where my man doesn’t. She realised she is very subservient as a lover and I am more dominating.
In the sexual realm, we both started out with a an entourage of men chasing us. She loves to travel to meet them and I don’t. My sexual exploits were one nightmarish experience after another. Where her’s flourished to the point that she found one man who fulfills her needs and she entered the world of BDSM. My sexual needs seem to have petered off to just wanting to be with my husband.
I used to love playing with my vibrator and that even disinterest me. Orgasm with my husband are like a high. The vibrator brings on more superficial orgasms. It’s so interesting how I came to this point. Energizer and Duracell are pretty pissed at me for their lost in sales. But I can’t help it!
This past weekend there was a poly gathering and I had all intentions of going but the sitter did a no-show. The gathering had the option to bring the kids but I didn’t feel comfy with that and opted to just sending hubby instead. It’s amazing how the group is growing but I didn’t feel like going. I would just love to sit back and watch my husband have his fun.
It’s almost like this ran its course with me. Or these lame ass dating sites have jaded me to the point that I am content with what I have.
Since the last posing, Sheman has finally understood that her psycho behavior with me is unacceptable. She even went as far as to purchase scented candles that smell like me. I kept thinking about the last time we were together and one thing really had me on edge. When she had me in her death grip she had this look in her eyes that really scared me. After talking with hubby and several friends about her. I came to realise she’s one of those people who live life in the fast lane. Loves too quickly and makes crazy decisions. I think her being a friend is all I can handle. She’s killed everything else with me.
I won’t say I am out of the sex lane. Since there are a few fun people I want to play with. I just am not interested in meeting anyone new. The games and bullshit is all old and I need to concentrate on what I want to provide for my family more. I still flirt with my old lover, Big Daddy and chat with some poly folks. So I don’t think I will be lacking in entertainment.
So who knows. I live life a day at a time with this.
What the Heck?!
14 Sep 2010 1 Comment
in Relations Tags: Fuck, High School, morning sex, orgasm, sex, Sexuality, stalking
Ok, ya know how I bitched and complained about Morning Sex a few postings back. Remember that? I do. Since posting that I knew.. just KNEW! I would want to have morning sex. It’s a gimme with me. Yeah, I’m a tard.
So sexually, things have been slow due to the kids not being in school and life becoming severely stressful. About two days ago at the crack of dawn, Hubby makes his move and I did not stop him. In fact, I thoroughly enjoyed it! So much so that I was aching for more and I was thrilled to do it again this morning.
Orgasmically I find that I have several kinds now. When I am on top and have this orgasm that is very close to a high from smoking pot. And it can be a high that rides into one another that can give me the shakes. Its pretty awesome.
When he is on top and in control its very hard-core. I want to video him fucking me but he is not to keen on it. I think I would love it though.
I also believe that I am changing sexually, things are just so much more intuned with him that I had ever been. I like it!
In other news, Sheman has aggressively pushed my overwhelmed button to have me flip my shit on her. By bombarding me with questions of when I wanted to hook up and needing me to pick a date really put me in freak out mode. Her reasoning was because she was renting a car to see me but I repeatedly explained to her that my school work comes first. All of this came to a head when I went off on her about how this was just supposed to be ”fun”. Except it was more chaotic and demanding. I told her that her asking me to be her girlfriend had me freaking out and that I was more leaning towards just being friends. She then back pedaled to make it all right again,except it wasn’t. She would still needle me and wanting to eat up so much of my time. I am really seeing that she is not poly material. Which I will not even entertain that notion.
Since my blow up with her she has questioned our relationship hoping to put things back to her normal. Except I don’t want to. I need a break from her before I tell her it’s totally over. It’s her method of trying to get what she wants from me that really grates on my nerves. I find myself not wanting to share anything about me with her. And this is due to her over the top questioning and mothering that is not wanted.
So her stalking me via email, IMing, texting and thru a frigging video game has taken its toll. Her last text whined about how I don’t text w her like I normally do. HELLO! Take a hint!! And then she has to send me an email that scream of High School bullshit.
Thank god for my Twin helping me with telling my aggressive stalking psycho to take a chill and back the fuck off!! Oh.. in a nice way. And surprisingly she bowed out nicely and is giving me a break. So that was .. about 2 hours ago. I’m sure by this time frame tomorrow she will be texting me to see how I am doing. Bets anyone?
SassySlut, Sheman, and Morning Sex
19 Aug 2010 Leave a Comment
in Relations Tags: bdsm, Big Daddy, Fuck, Recreation, Sassyslut, Sexual intercourse, Sexuality, Text messaging
Last night I went on a little adventure with SassySlut, and it was tons of fun. I can’t say how long its been since we had some quality time hanging out but its been well over do!
We headed to a larger city near us that happens to be where Sheman lives. I purposely did not tell her I was heading that way because I was not going to see her. We were going to a large group meeting of BDSM people. It was a dinner and get to know ya gathering.
Our trip up was very comical, speaking of crazy encounters and lunatic partners doing wacked things that if we didn’t laugh about would put us in the mental ward. She has a pretty full dance card and I find it amazing she can juggle these men and still have room to do more! She has become more jaded though towards men and their bullshit that they pull. I totally get where she is coming from, although those who do not follow in our circles would say. “Well you’re a whore, what do you expect? Respect?” Fucking A we do! So if we become jaded, it’s just due to the fact that there are so many men out there thinking we should automatically want to fuck them just cause we love to have sex. Not to mention being in an Open Marriage gives them the “she’s easy” light and its ok for them to talk trash to you. On the contrary its such a turn off that you may or may not receive a scathing reply back, depending on what mood or nerve you just hit.
But I digress off the topic of our trip, as we headed to this larger city the direction to this place was via Map Quest and lord can they mess up directions. After several wrong turns we were now an hour late and lost. We ended up in a shady part of town and we were looking to ask for directions. Seeing a group of gangster looking we decided to drive on and seek others to help us. At a stop sign we saw a family approach and they smiled, but it was obvious they did not speak english. OY! By chance we found our location.
I had kept in contact with Big Daddy who was also attending and he had to find us to bring us into the room. It was great seeing him again that I got a big bear hug from him. He then met SassySlut and then ushered us in.
Wow, what a large group! Lots of kinky people and so welcoming. Our greeter and organizer was absolutely fabulous. Adorable and refreshingly genuine! I love that about people.
Dinner was sorta lame but the company made up for it. During dinner I received a text from Sheman and I informed her that I was indeed in her city. She was all sorts of excited that I was there and pushed for me to come over for a visit. I am not sure why I told her where I was but I told her I was not making any promises. I didn’t come to the city to visit her it was for a different reason all together. She wanted to know when it was over, and I honestly couldn’t answer and ignored the text.
After dinner was over we milled about and I spent some snuggle time with Big Daddy. I am really getting comfy around him, and mentioned I would let him spank me. Lord!! LOL He did introduce me to a lovely girl of his that seemed nice all around. The group started to disperse as time flew and we barely made a dent in the group. I loved that there were all shapes and sizes of kinksters and that everyone seemed quite comfortable in their skins.
Unfortunately, Sassyslut and I have to wait till next month to attend a Dungeon Party. I pouted a bit and made my concerns known but rules are the rules. Whatever! I am such a rule breaker.
As we left the group it was very late and we found ourselves lost once again! I texted Sheman and she tried giving me directions, but they were to her house. I said NO, we need to head back to our city. She wasn’t thrilled about it and instead called me. I had to inform her of our parental duties and the time frame. And this made her relent the push for me to visit.
She wanted to know what I was doing at this group and I told her. She found it interesting and starting chatting away. My phone began beeping low battery and we were an hour away from home. I told her I can’t talk on the phone the battery is dying and she rambled on. I pretty much hung up on her in mid sentence since she didn’t hear me. Saving what battery I had left for when hubby contacts me.
I felt it was rude of me to do that but she would have killed my phone with being a chatty Cathy. Besides I was with my gf and it was her time to get attention.
Is it difficult to have a person understand boundaries? Sheman wants to know all about this event and I gave her minimal amount of info, but she ran with it saying she would want me to show her a few things. I explained that I had no idea where this was going. All I wanted to do was experience this avenue that others have turned into a lifestyle. That doesn’t mean I was embracing it. Just tasting it.
I also do not want to lie to the girl, so I think that’s why I told her I was in her city. But just because I was in the area does not mean I must make time to visit with her. I found her city to be very frustrating to commute thru and I would not travel thru there alone. Her response to that was to send my phone a navigation route to her home. Oy..
Being cranky today doesn’t help. But on a side note! Remember back a few posting I stated I don’t like morning sex? Well, since then and I knew this would happen.. I wanted morning sex. Hubby obliged me this morning and he was very attentive in working me up properly. So, I will say that I am still a fan of sleep over sex, but if its done like it was this morning? I won’t say no to that!
